How To Live Life In Tune With Your Desires (And Stop Settling!)


January 24, 2022

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Have you felt for some time that you’re meant for something big, something better, deeper, or more meaningful than you have right now? And yet… are you unable to see with complete clarity what that would look like because you feel so disconnected from yourself and Source?

Perhaps you long for a different life… to quit your job, pivot your business, leave your partner, find your soulmate, move house, move cities, states or COUNTRIES, even, or buy a big house and fancy car, but always talk yourself out of it? And then, the further away you get from taking action, you die a little more inside?

I know the feeling well, from when I was younger. Growing up, I was taught about personal development—I’m blessed to have been brought up by parents who truly did believe that anything was possible for their children, and gave us Christmas gifts like The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teenagers. The betterment of one’s self has always been a part of my reality… BUT I don’t remember anyone telling me as a child or adolescent that it was okay to follow my heart, or learning from anyone that my heart has the answers…

…if anything, for most of my life, I’ve felt ashamed for being so emotional and crying so easily in public places. (More bathrooms than I can count!). 

I even remember my high-school boyfriend telling me I’d never be able to help people because I wasn’t emotionally stable enough. I mistook ‘heart centered’ for ‘emotional instability, and intuition to me, at that age, was just something to use if you found yourself in a dark alley with a suspicious stranger, rather than something to guide you towards your vision and mission for your life!

Most of my clients have experienced this, too… and find themselves wondering why opportunities pass them by, why they miss chances, and why they find themselves scrolling through social media feeling jealous that everyone else seems to have their life ‘figured out’.

But, it’s very normal and common. Most of us have been CONDITIONED to ignore our gut feelings and our heart’s desires, because we’re brought up believing that more education and training is essential to our success, and the only route that will lead us to a destination of happiness and joy.

We’re taught to be masculine, and to keep our head on straight in order to make sensible, respectable decisions about our life

We aren’t taught how to listen to our internal navigation system, and this results in us being so out of alignment with our desires that our lives don’t resemble anything like they should, that would be real and true. 

We block our desires because we aren’t tuned in enough to be able to hear them… and then waste valuable time and energy trying to achieve goals we have no interest in, and climbing career ladders, building businesses, entering into relationships etc. that aren’t a fit.

We then COMPLAIN that we haven’t accomplished as much as this person or that person. But, when you think about it, it’s pretty obvious WHY.

Because when you truly want something to happen with all your heart, you’ll put energy and effort toward making it a reality, won’t you? 

Whereas on the flip side, when something doesn’t matter or you’re telling yourself you ‘should’ want it, it will be harder because your heart really isn’t in it.

When I’m out of alignment with my heart, progress doesn’t happen; my life stalls, and I’m only a small fraction of the full person I was created to be. I have less impact, less drive, less energy…

…and I have every suspicion that that’s the case for you too.

But, don’t worry, because, in this blog post, I’m sharing 5 steps you can take to lean into your right brain, trust your intuition, follow your heart, and co-create (with the Universe) an incredible life you love.

Step 1: Acknowledge your desires

The first step is for you to start to acknowledge your desires and treat them as if they are real. One of my friends, Love Coach Nicole Moore, believes that our desires are literally ‘dropped in’ and contribute to the makeup of who we are, like DNA. I love thinking about it like that—just as ideas are real, I believe desires are too. They come from inside us, so how could they not be?

How would things start to shift for you if you not only acknowledged everything you want but also accepted it as the truth? You’d never question whether your hand is your hand or your heart is your heart, would you? Yet your desires are inside of you and belong to you too. What if you were open to the Universe providing you with everything that you want, based on the simple fact that you want it? What if you completely owned your desires? How would this transform your life? 

As writer Genevieve Behrend says: ‘Do not fear to be your true self, for everything you want, wants you.’

Step 2: Give yourself permission

Once you have acknowledged what you really want, the next step is to give yourself permission to go out and get it. What would it look like for you to do something small today on behalf of your desires? Maybe you could look for another job, without letting your dad’s belief that it would be ‘reckless’ cloud your vision? Or buy the domain name, without allowing your best friend’s voice telling you that it’s a ‘silly dream’ to stop you? What if you went into the designer store, despite the devil on your shoulder (looking a bit like your mother) telling you the place is a rip-off and a waste of money?

I give you permission to do all of the above. And once you start, you’ll create your own rulebook and then realize that you don’t need any rule besides this: always follow your heart.

By the way, this isn’t a one-time thing. You have to continually reevaluate your desires. So many women are living lives they didn’t actually want because they missed this crucial step. You’re allowed to change your mind and reroute—that part of giving yourself permission as well.

woman shopping.

Step 3: Remember that you’re worthy

After working with thousands of women around the world, I’ve seen that worthiness is another key element that we all need to focus on in some form or another. I once sent a survey containing questions about money to my IHML community because I wanted to get an understanding of how these women view money and making money, and it hurt my heart to find that 17% don’t feel worthy of making money.

But the truth is I see this false belief played out nearly every day. For example, when I host events at luxurious locations, many of my clients tell me they don’t feel deserving of being there—that they’re not far along enough, or haven’t accomplished enough to be worthy of entering that space. Some even don’t show up because of that belief. How sad is that?

This begs some questions: how much of your life is spent not feeling worthy? How is that holding you back from living your dreams? Or making the money you desire? How much time and energy are you wasting on the belief?

Well, let me tell you the truth… you are worthy of the six or seven figures you’re dreaming of. You are worthy of beautiful clothes for you and your family. You are worthy of international travel, or organic food. You are worthy of attending luxury retreats, or events that set your heart and soul on fire. And you are worthy of the work you desire to do in the world. 

If someone is out there doing it, it’s possible for you too. And if your desires are dropped in and meant for you, that means you’re already worthy.Step

4: Release judgment

Whatever we judge, we block. Understanding those five words has transformed my life over the past few years, so I want you to really pay attention to this point.

First, let me explain why judgment occurs, specifically as it pertains to success. Take the example of wanting to make six figures per year. That’s a great goal, but if deep down you’re judging the people who have already achieved it (believing they’re evil, or undeserving, or greedy), you’re going to block yourself from reaching it. Your subconscious will stop you from getting it, because ultimately, you don’t want to be judged yourself! Remember, the ego wants to protect you, so you’ll self-sabotage in order to avoid falling into the same category as the people you are judging—even if you outwardly want what they have.

That’s why you have to uncover where you’re judging and release it. Start to pay attention to the thought patterns that come up for you throughout the next few days or weeks, and when you observe them, practice letting them go. It might even be beneficial to journal on them!

Step 5: Use your feelings to guide you

Woman meditating.

If you still don’t know what you want, start with your feelings. In her book The Desire Map, Danielle LaPorte says: ‘Behind every desire, there is a feeling and your feelings will lead you to your soul.’

So ask yourself, how do you want to feel? Use that to guide you to what you really want. Maybe you want to feel freedom. If so, ask yourself what that would look like. What would bring about that feeling for you? Maybe it’s success that you desire to feel. Again, what would bring about that feeling? Then you will know the actions you need to take to achieve those feelings. 

Equally, tap into your emotions when situations arise or you come to a crossroads to find guidance on which direction to go in. You’ll start to notice the feelings that come up with each opportunity, invitation, trip, visit, introduction—every emotion leaves clues, but the reality is that most people miss them. Don’t be one of those people!

I hope you find these steps useful and that you feel ready to stop settling, and finally, finally live a life that feels RESONANT, easy and expansive for you.

Regardless of what it is you want, please stop making yourself wrong, stop judging yourself, and stop questioning why your desires exist. 

Practice owning them instead. Speak to yourself with the same encouragement you’d offer to your best friend. And then? Go out and take inspired action to make them a reality.

To quote Danielle LaPorte again (yes—she’s that good!): “Small deliberate actions inspired by your true desires create a life you love.”… now, go out and create yours!


P.S did you like this content? You can find more in the I Heart My Life Book.

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I started I Heart My Life from my kitchen table in a tiny London apartment in 2013.

After going through a 5-year quarter-life crisis, I discovered the world of personal development and the power of a gratitude journal and finally got clear on my true purpose in life: to help women fall in love with themselves and their lives. I Heart My Life has gone through many transformations over the years, but its mission has always remained the same: we exist to teach you how to create a life that you love.


We believe that life's too short to be subtle, that everything you want wants you back and in elevating your everyday, whatever that means to you. This is the I Heart My Life Show.