on creating a life you love

Guilt Is the Opposite of Self-Care


August 9, 2021

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health & Wellness
I Heart My Life is where luxury lifestyle meets wellness. Where personal development intersects with living an elevated life. Where no dream is too big and a champagne is always a good idea. We're so glad you're here.
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When’s the last time you talked openly about guilt and how it impacted your life? Maybe (like me) you’ve been conditioned to accept guilt by being taught to put others before yourself. I get it, but it should never come at the cost of living your life. Because that’s just it, it’s your life. 

Lately, I’ve had A LOT of conversations with IHML members surrounding this idea of guilt and how it impacts us. And while it’s easy to look towards friends and family for the guilt they put upon us, we make ourselves feel guilty all the time too. 

We feel wrong for raising our prices, taking time off from work, and taking time and space for ourselves. We are so quick to plant the seeds of guilt without even realizing it, but it’s imperative to your personal growth to understand why you need to stop letting guilt run (and ruin) your life. 

What if I told you that guilt is the opposite of self-care? (Spoiler: it is). 

I know this first hand. I’ve felt the guilt from family saying I wasn’t visiting enough. I’ve navigated the guilt of starting my own business and the time and dedication that comes with it. I’ve said yes to things I’d rather say no to. But, let me tell you this: once I was able to get clarity around my desires and learned how to communicate my truth with others, I also felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. 

I stopped saying yes to the things that I felt deep down were a no. I spent my time how I knew I needed and wanted to spend it. I focused on building my business and writing my book. I started living my life on my terms. Now, I’m far from perfect and absolutely face guilt from time to time, but have the tools to move through it and learn from it without being held back. 

That’s why I wanted to get candid about guilt here with you today.

The truth is, guilt is a burden that can ruin so. many. things. It can ruin happiness, success, and even relationships. I want to help you stop letting guilt control how to live your life because you deserve happiness and success. You deserve to live a life you love. 

And guess what, you can

But first, you need to start shifting your mindset away from guilt so you can continue to move toward the life you want to build. 

First, you need to be able to identify triggers and feelings of guilt.

It’s important to understand where the guilt is stemming from. Maybe it’s someone in your family. A good friend. Maybe it’s even your spouse. Or just maybe you’re putting the guilt on yourself. No matter where it’s stemming from, you have to understand that this guilt weighs heavily. It takes up valuable brain space. It consumes mental and physical energy. It creates negative vibrations for you and those around you. 

So let me ask you, where does your guilt come from? Who does it stem from? What are the conditions of the guilt? Are you saying yes when you don’t want to? Are you feeling wrong for your desires? 

Yes, I literally want you to consider this, right here, right now. 

Great! Now that you’re getting honest with yourself about where your guilt comes from, next you have to change the way you respond when guilt comes up and this requires a shift in mindset. Here are a few mindset tips to help…

You have to learn to trust yourself and your instincts. 

You know the intentions in your heart and mind. You need to trust what it is that you want to do and know that you are not wrong for wanting whatever it is that you have set your heart on. Because here’s the thing, once you are more set on your desires, it becomes a lot easier to clearly express your desires with others.

If you want to level-up your business? Do it. If you want to raise your prices? Do it. If you want to stay in and watch movies instead of going to that party? Please, do it. 

You have to be willing to have that honest (and sometimes difficult) conversation. 

Oftentimes we fear the confrontation so much and we build the potential outcomes and reaction up in our mind, that we avoid speaking our truth. We’d rather do the thing we don’t want to do than have that conversation. Friend, you owe it to yourself to be honest with what it is you actually want. You deserve to make decisions on behalf of yourself and your dreams. 

I invite you to stop doing what other people want you to do simply because you don’t want the confrontation. And if the other person reacts poorly to your truth? That’s on them. Remember, you can’t control others. What you can control is yourself. Your time. Your reality. Again, so many of us give up that control out of fear of conflict. It’s time to take control of your life back into your hands. 

Now, I know we are not 100% immune to guilt. It will come up, even when you practice the mindset tips above. We’re only human. But when that guilt does come up, sit with it for a moment and ask yourself why it’s there and then learn from it. This is the beauty of being human. We can continue to learn and grow as long as we are open to it. 

So let guilt help you reach that next level and really step into your true self. Let it guide you toward clarity around what you want for your life. And remember, if you experience guilt know that it’s somebody else’s agenda for your life. But it’s not their life to live. 

So, I invite you to start living your life on your terms today. 

P.S. Hear more about how I learned to move through guilt (and how you can too) in the latest I Heart My Life podcast episode



I started I Heart My Life from my kitchen table in a tiny London apartment in 2013.

After going through a 5-year quarter-life crisis, I discovered the world of personal development and the power of a gratitude journal and finally got clear on my true purpose in life: to help women fall in love with themselves and their lives. I Heart My Life has gone through many transformations over the years, but its mission has always remained the same: we exist to teach you how to create a life that you love.

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