“You’re acting like you only have four months left to live.”
That was what my coach said to me in 2015. And as much as I didn’t want to admit it, she was right. And if I wasn’t careful, that could eventually be the reality.
When I started my business, making it happen was all I cared about. I was excited (and determined) to spread my message, impact the world, feel accomplished, leave my 9-5 and move out of my current financial state ($30k in credit card debt and $90k in student loans), and I can honestly say, I’ve never wanted anything more.
But that meant taking on 27 clients at one time, not seeing my husband as much as a I wanted, 80-100 hour work weeks, and letting my health fall by the wayside.
In the beginning, it was exciting. I was hitting my goals, I was bringing in money, I was creating an IHML movement — but the truth was, it wasn’t sustainable, and at first, I didn’t want to admit it.
I wanted to be Superwoman and superhuman. I didn’t want to need a break or days off. I wanted to be able to create everything I wanted to create today — not in the future.
And if I’m being honest, I still feel that way.
But I know showing up like like I only have four months left to live isn’t the ultimate goal — and in fact, it’s a recipe for disaster.
(It’s like the beginning of a relationship — it’s all encompassing and exciting, but that state of euphoria isn’t meant to last for an entire lifetime. There can be moments of it, but at some point you have to get into a routine, calm down a little bit and remember you’re still two separate people in order to truly make it. And that’s what I’ve always wanted, to truly make it.)
So today, lovely, this message isn’t about achievement, hard work, pushing yourself or even taking action — at least not in the normal sense of the word.
It’s about self-love.
One of my three 2017 initiatives is my relationship with myself. I still have major business goals, but I’ve come to realize that as the head of the business, I have to be priority. I have to sleep. I have to eat healthily. I have to have time off. I have to have fun.
The truth is, I’m not available to show up in the same way anymore. Does that mean my goals are any less lofty? No, not at all. In fact I have bigger goals for this year than ever before. But I now know that reaching them starts with me.
For the first time (maybe ever!) I believe that by loving myself more, everything else will be easier. I will make more money. I will impact more lives. I will be able to help my clients on an even deeper level. My relationships will be more fulfilling. I’ll be happier. (And I may even learn to love exercise — I’ll keep you posted on that one!)
And I’ve surrounded myself by team members and coaches who have the same belief. Coaches who are spending hours per day journaling, in meditation, reading and learning and coaches who actually block out time in the calendar to do, well, nothing.
Now believe me, lovely, I still slip into old patterns and I’m still a major work in progress, but I’m committed to this new way of running my business and showing up in the world and for myself.
Maybe this message resonates with you today — on the official Self-Love Day — and you’re ready to make some changes. If so, congratulations, and know you’ll be rewarded.
And here are a few daily practices that are working for me right now…
1. Spend at least three minutes in the morning meditating. (As you get more used to this process, you can slot in some time in between sessions or meetings as well.)
3. Create a daily gratitude list.
4. Delegate items that you personally don’t have to do. (This was a hard one for me, but now I’m addicted to delegating. Sidenote: There are people who can do it just as good as you!)
5. Read and expand your knowledge. (My current commitment is one book per week.)
6. Be clear about what’s a “yes” and what’s a “no”. (Hint: Say “no” far more often than “yes”.)
7. Make quick decisions. Don’t waste your energy going back and forth. Know what you want and commit to it.
8. Create white space into your calendar. (This is for doing nothing.)
9. More spa days, calls with girlfriends, trips — things that make you smile and are all about fun.
10. Remember you have time for everything. (Note: This doesn’t mean you don’t take action or put things off unnecessarily.)
One of the key things I want to point out here is that for transformation to take place, you have to be real with yourself. If you have a tendency to try to do too much at one time like me, remember, you don’t have to do everything this second and this is a marathon, not a sprint..
On the other hand, if you’re on the opposite end of the spectrum and you tend to procrastinate unnecessarily, then self-love for you is about starting taking more action and working on your confidence.
Get clear about what self-love looks like to you and make you a priority.
I love you, and can’t wait to see how your life transforms this year.
Happy Self-Love Day!