on creating a life you love

How Focusing on Yourself Improves Your Relationships

Podcast

December 3, 2020

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When’s the last time you focused on what makes you happy? Do you worry that doing more for yourself is going to negatively impact the important relationships in your life? You aren’t the only one, my friend. So many of us get trapped in this idea that putting others first is the magical ingredient to successful relationships. That’s simply not true. In fact, the opposite is true. This episode is all about why and how the success of your relationships with others depends on your ability to put yourself first.

“When you really consider that concept of someone else being your everything, really think about that. Because if you’re not your everything, how on earth can you expect to be making the choices that are going to make you happy? If you can’t be your everything, and you’re putting that on someone else, you’re taking your own power away to resolve the inevitable challenges that come along with life.” -James Williams

I know, it sounds counterintuitive. But it really makes a lot of sense when you dig deeper. So yes, I’m here to tell you that it is okay to be selfish. The truth is, the individual is just as important as the relationship. In romance, we get so caught up in this idea of finding the person who “completes” us that we lose sight of what makes us happiest and healthiest. We spend so much time worrying about how others are going to judge our decisions and trying to do what we think will create the least amount of conflict. However, if you think about it, successful relationships are about communication, not judgement. 

That’s why James and I recorded this episode. We wanted to talk about how focusing on and learning about ourselves keeps our relationship strong. We’ve been able to grow together as individuals and a couple and we hope the journey we’ve been on in our relationship can help you reflect upon your own. Oh,and don’t get caught up by the word “relationship” here. The advice we dive into in this episode is seriously for anyone. Our advice can be applied to relationships with friends, spouses, teammates (even spouses who are teammates), you name it. 

Taking care of yourself is the best thing you can do for any relationship. That’s why we use this episode to discuss just why it’s so imperative to be able to define what makes you happy and why you need to stop making yourself wrong for whatever that may be. We touch upon the importance of being honest and speaking your truth in relationships. We also look into how our relationships are actually a reflection of our relationship with ourselves (including the judgements and fears we have!). Lastly, we touch upon why having differences is okay (and how to know when a relationship is no longer serving you). 

We hope this episode can help you understand why creating a positive, strong, healthy relationship with yourself will open the door for you to have an incredible relationship with your spouse (or anyone else in your life). And if this episode inspires you and you are looking for more support in being true to your more authentic self and transforming your mindset, remember that the IHML Community is about so much more than business. Head over to iheartmylifebooking.com to book a call with us to learn about how we can help transform your business and life. 

In this episode… 

[02:37] Welcome back, James!

[03:49] Hear why the individual is just as important as the couple. 

[05:47] What has James learned about himself over the years to lead to a better relationship? 

[08:12] “What makes you happy?” 

[09:16] Hear how not making herself wrong has improved Emily’s relationships.

[10:20] Our fear of others’ judgements are really our judgments of ourselves. 

[12:09] Relationships don’t have to last together if they’re not right. 

[15:12] The importance of being honest and speaking your truth. 

[19:35] Our relationships are a reflection of our relationship with ourselves. 

[21:53] Understanding that it is okay to have differences. 

[26:44] Decoding the phrase “relationships take work.”

[28:13] Why you should be more selfish. 

[30:12] “What are you most excited about for the next 8 years?” 

Quotes:

“When you really consider that concept of someone else being your everything, really think about that. Because if you’re not your everything, how on earth can you expect to be making the choices that are going to make you happy? If you can’t be your everything, and you’re putting that on someone else, you’re taking your own power away to resolve the inevitable challenges that come along with life.” -James Williams

“I think we all have these rules in our minds about what relationships are supposed to look like, how we’re supposed to behave. And then of course, there’s gender roles. And it’s just in our perspective, the most important thing has been to be honest, and to honor ourselves and to essentially put ourselves first.” -Emily Williams 

“All great teams are made up of individuals who are authentic and owning their mastery to the best of their ability. And then the skill is to take those individuals and match them in a way that creates a result.“ -James Williams 

Links & Resources: 

Subscribe to the Podcast: 

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Connect with James:

James on Instagram 

Connect with Emily: 

I Heart My Life Website
I Heart My Life on Instagram
I Heart My Life on Facebook
I Heart My Life on LinkedIn

Email: info@iheartmylife.com

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MEET EMILY

FOUNDER & CEO

I started I Heart My Life from my kitchen table in a tiny London apartment in 2013.

After going through a 5-year quarter-life crisis, I discovered the world of personal development and the power of a gratitude journal and finally got clear on my true purpose in life: to help women fall in love with themselves and their lives. I Heart My Life has gone through many transformations over the years, but its mission has always remained the same: we exist to teach you how to create a life that you love.