on creating a life you love

What to Do When You Feel Pressure from Your Spouse to Reach Your Goals: A Real Coaching Session with Tonya Alberti


May 11, 2021

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I Heart My Life is where luxury lifestyle meets wellness. Where personal development intersects with living an elevated life. Where no dream is too big and a champagne is always a good idea. We're so glad you're here.
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It’s truly admirable to take the leap and go for your dreams. However, I know it isn’t always as simple as taking that jump of faith. There can be a lot of pressure and expectations that follow. Maybe these pressures are coming from your friends, families, or even your spouse or partner. I know it’s easy to get caught up and weighed down by these big expectations to succeed. 

“We can use obligation and pressure to harm ourselves, or we can use it for motivation.” -Emily Williams

I’m here to let you in on a little secret. While there may be some pressure coming from those people, a lot of the overwhelm you’re feeling is coming from your own doubts, fears, and insecurities. Think about this. Other people’s opinions wouldn’t matter so much if you didn’t relate to them on some level. Luckily, you can do things to help move past these roadblocks getting in the way of you achieving the success you’re craving. It is possible. 

In this episode, follow along as I walk two-time I Heart Coaching student Tonya through her struggles with these pressures and feelings of doubt and insecurity. Tonya has a big vision of someday running a multimillion-dollar business. For now, she’s starting from scratch. With that comes some fear-driven pressure from her husband, who truly wants to see his wife succeed. It’s a common scenario. The people closest to us can often have a completely different perspective on the situation. So, I talk about why it’s important not to make them out to be the villain here. Instead, I share the importance of finding clarity around the big vision and the action steps that will help bring it to life. 

Through our conversation, Tonya comes to terms with what’s truly holding her back from achieving the results she wants in her business. (Hint: It isn’t her husband). We dive into the fact that many people put this pressure on themselves out of a sense of obligation. However, I believe in the power of using that as motivation instead of letting it stir up guilt or fear. 

I walk Tonya through the importance of believing in what you’re selling and getting clear on your why. Listen for the actionable advice I provide Tonya, considering how you can apply it to getting clear on and connected with your why. The truth is, this is a crucial step in gaining the confidence you need to sell your products or services. 

We also dive into the other imperative piece of the puzzle– staying accountable and taking action. It’s one thing to talk about what you could do to achieve your goals. It’s another to follow through and do them. Remember, action is the key to progress. That’s why I provide several suggestions that can help you get started holding yourself accountable for the actions you’re going to take toward your goals asap. 

This coaching session helped give Tonya the clarity she needed to take the next step forward, but the advice truly is universal. If you’re feeling a little stuck when it comes to stepping into your vision, give this episode a listen. I know my advice to Tonya can help you make progress too. 

In this episode… 

[04:10] Welcome, Tonya! Listen as we talk about dealing with spousal pressure. 

[07:03] I walk Tonya through clarifying her why and identifying her financial goals. 

[09:52] How to navigate having a different mindset than your partner. 

[12:59] Tonya uncovers what’s truly holding her back (and it’s not her husband). 

[15:44] I walk Tonya through developing tangible action steps to work through her fears. 

[18:02] Why staying connected and clear on your why can give you the confidence to sell. 

[21:25] The importance of accountability and taking action. 

[24:08] Hear how I help Tonya commit to taking the next step forward. 


“I really think [this pressure] comes from a place of feeling obligated to show him that I made a good decision.” -Tonya Alberti 

“We can use obligation and pressure to harm ourselves, or we can use it for motivation.” -Emily Williams

“Even if you are selling to yourself, your mind still might try and stop you. That’s when you have to go back to the desire, and you have to go back to that why. And that why has to be much stronger than that fear and that nervousness that’s coming up for you.” -Emily Williams

“There are pieces of this that have to do with your husband, but it more has to do with you. If someone says something and it affects us, that means we believe it to be true on some level. Otherwise, it wouldn’t have that effect.” -Emily Williams 

“Remember that sales is actually service. We can’t help people unless they’re in that container of coaching. So just show up as your true, authentic self, and people will feel that.” -Emily Williams 

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I started I Heart My Life from my kitchen table in a tiny London apartment in 2013.

After going through a 5-year quarter-life crisis, I discovered the world of personal development and the power of a gratitude journal and finally got clear on my true purpose in life: to help women fall in love with themselves and their lives. I Heart My Life has gone through many transformations over the years, but its mission has always remained the same: we exist to teach you how to create a life that you love.

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